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NEW YORK - The "Pink Tote Mom" trend isn’t exactly what you might think.
Instead of highlighting a new fashion statement or a fondness for girly bags, it’s shining a light on the darker side of parenting, focusing on emotional manipulation and toxic behaviors that can often seem minor but are deeply damaging.
SKIP TO: Trend explained | Moms share ‘Pink Tote’ moments | Daughters share their stories | Pink Tote original video
Original deleted ‘Pink Tote’ TikTok
The trend began with a now-deleted TikTok video by a young girl named Jaycie now @user9356145314915, who post a video of herself crying after an interaction with her mother. In the video, she explained that she was drying her hair after a shower when her mother banged on the bathroom door, demanding her help. "You wanna have a f---ing spa day? Go to sleep, I need help," she says her mother reportedly shouted. She says she then hurried to her mom, only for her to give her vague instructions: "I need you to put the pink things in my room."
While the video was initially shared as a seemingly simple frustration from a daughter about her mom, it quickly spiraled into something much larger.
Her comment section was flooded with concerns from viewers who accused her mother of abusive behavior.
Overwhelmed by the backlash, Jaycie changed her TikTok bio to clarify: "My mom is not abusive."
Her bio as of Thursday morning now reads, "probably crying."
What is a ‘Pink Tote Mom’?
It’s not about a literal tote bag; it’s about parents, often mothers, engaging in emotional manipulation, gaslighting, or harsh behavior over seemingly trivial matters. These moments, often brushed off as "minor frustrations," can have lasting effects on children, especially if they occur repeatedly.
Daughters share their stories
The "Pink Tote Mom" trend has struck a chord with many, especially daughters who believe their mothers’ actions crossed into emotional abuse. "It wasn’t just a moment with a pink tote," one TikTok user shared. "It was my entire childhood." These stories have sparked important conversations about the lasting effects of such parenting styles, with many users relating to experiences of gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional neglect.
In these shared experiences, seemingly small actions—like a missing crayon or an unmade bed—led to harsh punishments or emotional outbursts. One woman recalled how, as a child, her mother checked her crayon box, noticed a crayon was missing, and then physically punished her for it.
Moms share their ‘Pink Tote’ moments
While some daughters are speaking out, the trend has also drawn reactions from other moms. Some defend their behavior, arguing that "we can’t be gentle moms all the time." Others, like @nickiunplugged, have shared their guilt over times they’ve lashed out or scolded their children. "A lot of people are coming at the ‘pink tote mom’—if you haven’t had a ‘pink tote mom,’ do you even have a daughter?" she said, defending the mother in Jaycie’s viral video. "I’m not saying it’s right, but we need to chill."
"I think we all lose it from time to time. Especially when I’ve asked my kid to do something 15-11 time," one person wrote.
Nicki, while not advocating for yelling, acknowledged the pressures of motherhood, adding, "Have you gone through perimenopause or menopause?"